It's been a while hasn't it
catching up - (just realized I sent out the newsletter under my old name- ignore that please)
Hi Everyone,
It’s been a minute - About a year actually. And an incredibly transformative year for me.
Where to begin- I’ve slowly started stepping away from being a peer support mentor for Neurodivergent folks, slowly posting less and less educational content on my instagram because I spent the majority of last year really looking inward. Instagram has gotten I’m not sure what the word is- maybe performative, hollow, discouraging. It’s not inspiring creativity. So it’s time for me to dust off this newsletter.
This year-
I came to terms with the fact that I had a traumatic childhood that of course followed me into my adult years. (I highly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents- it was a catalyst into my healing journey) Every single week I went through multiple breakthroughs, I uncovered memories that I had repressed. I was able to see through manipulation and abuse that I had experienced. There was a month when I had major setbacks with old thought patterns of suicidal idealization but this time it was very much different. I could see through it, see the root. & came out of it much faster, with more coping skills than I ever have in the past.
I also learned about the Trauma that being adopted causes. Like literal neurological trauma from being separated from your mother at birth. And the years of gaslighting you endure as an adoptee because you’re always told what a gift your adoption was. Instead of grieving the very real loss. I definitely want to share more about adoption and it’s neurological effects at some point since this is a neurodivergent newsletter.
Also-
If you’ve been following along on instagram or my tumblr you probably already know. I realized that I’m trans this year. I had been out as genderfluid for about a year before but suddenly as I was having all of these breakthroughs in therapy I was finally able to see it for myself.
So I changed my name again! It’s Westley, or Wes. I’m using He/They pronouns. I’m working on fixing some chronic health issues so I can start to medically transition! Which is big and exciting. & I kinda want to keep it personal. So much of my neurodivergent discovery I shared because I felt I needed to be visible. I needed to let people know that they didn’t have to feel like there was something innately wrong with them. But I don’t need to be the spokesperson for being trans. This is just for me & the people in my life. Maybe it’s the growth I’ve experienced- leaving behind the desire to intellectualize my experiences vs just feeling them & existing.
And finally- as I’ve shed a lot of these intrusive thoughts. I’ve allowed myself to be more spiritual. I grew up as an atheist. My dad was very vocal about how weak minded he thought anyone who believed in any religion or spirituality was. And I was always very drawn to magic, spirituality, ghosts, tarot, psychics, witchcraft as a kid and teen. So I took that on- that shame and fear that he transposed onto me. And stopped something that gave me a lot of joy. My dearest friend and mentor growing up, was very spiritual, we would sit and talk for hours about everything the universe, humanity, energy. I would spend hours after school journaling about these things, & practicing tarot. But somehow after coming out as queer when I was 18- experiencing just horrible abuse from my parents- I took on some people pleasing & held onto those beliefs that weren’t mine in the first place.
So this year I’ve been embracing my intuition as a tarot reader with clients, in my own spiritual practice learning new things, old things, ancestral things. It’s been profound. And I would love to share that too!
I’m looking forward to sharing a bit in a different way off of instagram. Maybe a little less flashy- So if you’re up for it. I’m happy to bring you along on this new journey. It’s going to be messier, but more real.
-Wes
Please ignore that this was sent from Ramona Reed- That was my old name not my deadname thankfully- but the name before I found my forever name!!